Adoption update

Today I sent off the final documents to my agency.  They will hopefully they will be sent to little sister's country to be translated on Friday.  I'm hoping that everything will be translated and ready to be registered shortly after the new year.  Which should mean that we could be traveling in late January or early February to meet little sister.  

Slowly I have been picking up little things here and there for little sister.  I have a few outfits to take her based on what I expect her size to be (I'm hoping she has grown some since the report was written).  I am also finding a few toys to take along for her to explore.  I'm getting more and more excited about going over to meet her.  I cannot wait to see what her little personality is like.

Specialists

When you have a child with a special need, there are always specialist to be seen.  Today was a long day at the university hospital.  I have to say the specialist Maria sees are some of the best.  Today included an MRI (gotta admit I always dread those, ever since I got the devestating news last February about Maria's spine).  Then we went to visit with the neurosurgeon...the nice one with good people skills.....he asked us several questions, took a look at Maria's back, made sure we knew what to look for with a shunt malfunction and then gave us the news.....we don't have to see him for a whole year!  Gotta admit this made me want to celebrate.  I did talk to him a little bit about little sister's condition and wanting him to see her when she comes home.  He was very agreeable and explained more about little sister's condition.  Then we headed up to check in at the pediatric specialty clinic, just letting them know we were there.  We then went to get an ultrasound of Maria's kidneys and bladder, followed by a urodynamics test being done.  Then back to the specialty clinic to see Maria's urologist.  Again we answered several questions and talked about where Maria was.  Maria has a low pressure point in her bladder and weak muscles that control her bladder.....this is actually a good thing for her, it means that her kidneys should stay healthy, it is highly unlikely that urine from her bladder would go back into her kidneys (which does happen with some kids who have SB).  He is happy with how she is doing and we don't have to see him for a whole year too!  So great news today and we celebrated with Maria's favorite.....ice cream.

Maria's friends left behind

It is hard to believe this day is finally here.  Today in Bulgaria, Maria's friends (referred to as J and S), traveled from Stara Zagora to Sofia to appear in court.  They are now part of an amazing family.  They are loved sons and brothers.  Waiting to be reunited with their friend/sister, waiting to hug their mom and dad, waiting to be embraced by their siblings.  

Today was a good day.  This week I have thought a lot about J and S, about their mom and about Z who decided to remain in Bulgaria.  I have also thought of the differences between my current adoption and adopting Maria.  Maria's adoption was hard in many ways....it was emotionally draining.  I was at a point where I just wanted to be a mom, just wanted her in my arms.  This time I'm busy being a mom.  I don't have as much time to focus on how hard the wait is or what isn't happening as timely as I want.  Currently I'm waiting for my last three documents to be apostilled and returned to me.  Then they will be sent to Little Sister's country to be translated and registered.  I'm hoping that I will have a referral in early January, but with adoption nothing is for sure.

Thanksgiving

We had a nice long weekend spending time with family.  It was nice just playing card games, talking and enjoying family time.  Cannot wait till there is one more child at the table to be thankful for.

Turning 14

Last Friday we celebrated Maria's third birthday home....she turned 14.  It is hard to believe she is growing up so fast.  We had a nice dinner with grandparents, cousins and my brother.  Maria was thrilled to get a special ice cream cake (yes, she wanted ice cream even though it was so cold out).  She got a few gifts.  She is hard to buy for since usually she says she doesn't know what she wants.  She did say she wanted a Frozen shirt....she does enjoy the music from that movie.

On Saturday we did something else that Maria loves....art!  Specifically painting.  We had thought about doing one of those popular painting parties, but after learning how expensive it was we went online and found some great tutorials.  Maria had fun painting and learning some painting techniques.  Her painting came out very nice and I'm sure we will try doing more in the future.

Maria

As most of you know Maria has been working hard since her surgeries to walk again.  I have been looking over the videos of Maria walking during PT over the past few months. The changes are amazing.....she never ceases to break down walls in her path.  Here is a link to the videos of her progress.  Enjoy!

http://youtu.be/PzogpYxL2SQ

November

Well, last month ended very busy and this month is starting out equally as busy.  We continue to wait to hear from USCIS about biometric appointment and approval to adopt little sister "E".  I'm anxiously awaiting for the next step of the process to happen.....mainly travel dates.

Right now I have many friends waiting for their pick up trips.  It makes me think back to that day just over two years ago when I went to pick up Maria.  I'm starting to hear more parents talk about the grief their child experiences on that pick up day....the leaving of the only home they ever knew behind....the fear and pain that loss produces.  When I picked up Maria, I knew it would be hard for her....I didn't realize how hard.  At that time I didn't know many families who were being open about the grief and pain their child was experiencing....I'm glad that is changing.  The reality is adoption isn't like the movie Annie.....it isn't a child fully trusting you or grateful that you have taken them from the bad orphanage or mean orphanage director (that doesn't describe Maria's experience at all).  It is scary, I still cannot believe how brave Maria was on that day, not knowing what her life would be like or where her best friend would end up.  I realize for little sister aka "E", it will be different in some ways and similar in others.  Although I look forward to the day when "E" is home in my arms forever, I know there will be more pain and loss along the way.  

November is National Adoption month.....with all the joy that comes from adoption, also take a moment to consider the loss.  Accepting our kids means also accepting the loss and grief they have experienced.

Names

The conversations at home the last couple of weeks have been about names....specifically little sister's name. With Maria's name I just knew she would want to keep her first name. I just came up with a new middle name for her. With little sister, her birth name is not uncommon here....which is nice, but it is not a name I prefer. I have had two names picked out for years (before I decided to adopt Maria). Maria and I have talked about these names....added other names to the pool....asked friends, asked FB (wow, some interesting suggestions there). In the end I kept coming back to the two names I originally picked out. Over the weekend I was planning to talk with my mom about names. It was quite funny she just looked at me before I said anything and said "I'm calling little sister _____. You can change it later if you want." Funny enough it is the name I have been leaning towards for weeks. So, little sister has a name.

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Wrapping up the month

This month has flown by. It seems harder and harder to blog at times. Our week days are filled with school and work....only to come home to homework, a little down time, dinner and our nightly routine. Happily I can say Maria is doing well with school. Things continue to click for her the longer she is here. She is also doing wonderful with her PT. She is walking still with help, but doing most of the work on her own. She is also doing some good transfers with no help at home. I am anxious for the day when she doesn't need my assistance for things and is able to be back to where she once was. It is coming....at times it feels really slow, but I know that it takes a long time to build back muscles.

We had the Walk n Roll for Spina Bifida last weekend. It is always a great time to see friends from all over the state. Hang out, talk, have fun and just support each other. We also had to make a quick stop at our homestudy social worker's home. She accidently sent me the homestudy without the signature first. So, we got that worked out. Yes, we have our homestudy for little sister finished! I mailed it off with the USCIS form this past week. Hopefully by the first week in November we will be assigned an officer and I will have a date to get my biometrics done (I will end up doing a walkin early to get them done sooner). I have the rest of the dossier ready to be notarized and apostolized ASAP. I'm hoping to get this done and sent to little sister's country soon so it can be translated while I wait for the USCIS approval. Hopefully by doing this I will be able to get my dossier registered sooner and get travel dates for January. Since there will be two trips for little sister's country, it is important to get trip one in sometime before the end of January, so I can hopefully be bringing her home in June.

Other than that we still have several raffle spaces open for the American Girl doll. Would love for her to make a little girl's Christmas very special.

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Crazy busy life

Seriously, that has been the past month. First my friend passed away. She was with her family when she passed. I was sad I didn't get to see her one last time and say goodbye, but I was also happy she was no longer in pain. A few days after that my great aunt also passed away from cancer. That brought on other issues which my family has been dealing with.

We celebrated little sister's 2nd birthday with a small cake and talked about her. Maria has lots of questions about little sister and what she is like. It is funny because many are similar to what I thought and felt while adopting Maria. We have started getting a few little things for little sister in anticipation for visiting her, which is still several months away.

Maria had her 6 month post surgery follow up with her Ortho surgeon. Everything looks great and her restrictions are lifted...well except no skydiving, bungee jumping or roller coasters without shoulder harnesses. We also learned that her Ortho surgeon is leaving....taking a position in Orlando Florida. He is amazing and we will greatly miss him. So, if you live in FL and need a good Peds Ortho surgeon try to see Dr. Ilgenfritz (he will be there in December). We are being left in really good hands.

Maria also got to see the dentist. She has come so far since that first dentist appointment. She did great, doesn't like seeing the dentist, but handled it. She has great teeth....still will need braces for straightening them, but no cavities.

On the adoption front, all the deaths pushed our last SW visit out till tomorrow. With this we should have almost everything ready for our homestudy to be completed. Working hard to have it ready to send to USCIS before the end of October (hoping by the middle of the month). All other paperwork is ready to be signed, notarized and apostolized.

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American Girl fundraiser #1

Ok, I was super lucky to know someone who has a family member who goes to the annual American Girl Doll sale. I was able to get 2 dolls to use for fundraising before I even knew about little sister. We are kicking off the first American Girl Doll Fundriaser!
Here is how it is going to work. I'm sell 100 chances to win the doll. Each entry cost $20. You can donate through out Adopt Together account, Reece's Rainbow account or through Paypal.  Once you donate please send me a email at socialkat78@yahoo.com with a screen shot of your donation and a subject line of American Girl Fundraiser1
https://www.adopttogether.org/sister-for-maria
http://reecesrainbow.org/?s=Horn

This doll is described as having medium skin, dark brown curly hair and hazel eyes. Maria actually loves the doll and it is the one she picked out.

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Reality

My friend is dying....she is 35 years old and has a 6 yr old son and a wonderful husband. She has fought cancer for the past 2 1/2 years. She has tried many treatments, fought as hard as she could.....and now she is dying. This morning I woke to my phone ringing....her husband calling to explain things had taken a turn for the worse, that they thought she would die on Saturday, but didn't....that she is in hospice and could die at any time. That the cancer has moved from her bones to her lungs, liver and most likely her brain. That he is doing ok, has cried many times and will cry again....that their little boy is dealing with it in his own way. I cried.....I still cry......it seems so unfair that this should be happening to them.

My friend...a sweet woman, quiet to most unless you really knew her. Willing to let others take the lead, but also willing to ensure her voice was heard. A gentle soul and kind hearted person. A mom who loves her little boy with her whole heart. A woman who met her husband in the beginning days of college and fell in love. Someone who's beauty shines from within. Who has handled this illness with more grace and determination than I ever could. My friend.....

Slowly this morning I called a few close friends to let them know....not wanting my friedn's husband to bear all the burden of letting people know. Messages among our small college group were shared by texts, phone calls, and messages today. All of us hurting for what we know will come. Praying that she is free from pain.

Part of the day was also spent talking to Maria about the situation. Maria is very good at listening to adult conversations. She asked questions throughout the day and seemed to understand I will be sad. She hugged me closer and gave me lots of kisses. Please hold your loved ones close....

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T-shirt fundraiser update

Several people have asked about the t-shirts and I have emailed them the information about them. I'm hoping to get the orders in by September 15th. So, if you are interested please let me know via the comments. If you left a message with your email in it, check your spam file. If you want a t-shirt here is the info on them

Adults: S-3XL $20

Youth: S-L (only in brown and green) $20

Toddler 2T-4T $15

 

 

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Little Sister

My mind has been occupied with the adoption process....the steps I know must be taken before I can meet little sister, the steps that must be taken until little sister can come home. The process can be very overwhelming. Little sister comes to mind frequently....I find myself looking at her pictures, watching the video I have of her, and wanting the time to fly. I would love to have her in my arms right now, but I know I can't. So I hold on to the little things, I focus on the steps I have to take and spending time with Maria.

So, I'm sure people are curious about who is little sister. Little sister is almost two, in fact she will turn two before the end of September. She has beautiful brown eyes and dark brownish black hair. An amazing smile, although she seems to share it with people special to her. She had a rough start to life, born too soon and with an unexpected special need. From her medical report and video I know she will need to see some of the same specialist Maria sees. I know she will become use to working physical therapist and occupational therapist. The PT and OT that I work with have seen her video, they are already making plans on how to help little sister when the time comes. Little sister is currently seeing a PT at her orphanage.

Little sister lives in an orphanage in Eastern Europe. She is within an hour of the capitol city. I have been able to connect with families who have been to her orphanage. From what I have been told and have seen, the orphanage is an older building, not kept in the repair.....which is typical of this area. One family has told me that the children seem to get a lot of attention, but the staff are also there to get their gossip time in....ok, so this does happen with women and we know most of the time women are in these type of positions.

The few pictures I have a very special and since little sister isn't legally adopted I personally do not plan to share pictures of her publicly on the internet. I also do not plan to say where little sister is currently living until the adoption is finalized. We do have an FSP on Reece's Rainbow and an account on Adopt Together. If you would like to donate just search for Horn on either site. If you have any specific questions about little sister or the adoption process, please feel free to leave a comment.

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T-shirt fundraiser

We are selling t-shirts to help raise some of the funds to bring little sister home. T-shirts are being sold for $20 per shirt. The shirts come in Youth sizes M-XL (in only the green and brown) and Adult sizes S-3XL. If you are interested in buying a shirt leave me your email in the comments (I will not publish it) and I will contact you.

***We are adding toddler sizes in similar colors.  The toddler sizes will be 2T-4T.  If you want a toddler size check with me about pricing (still waiting on that).

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This and that

On Friday we had our first meeting with our homestudy social worker. It was at a library and we had a great time chatting. So, I didn't prepare the social worker by telling her that Maria has SB and is currently using her wheelchair. One part of our talk was discussing little sister's special needs (all kids adopted from orphanages have special needs of some kind, some are just more obvious than others). SW asked me about how I will manage little sister's SN. I simply looked at Maria and said, after this spring I can handle anything! Then I went on and explained what had happened with Maria. SW agreed, I have it under control. Overall the meeting went well, I have a list of things to gather and get done. Have fees that I need to fundraise for (different post on that).

As we left we saw a man walking with forearm crutches. Maria is very aware of other kids and adults who have physical disabilities. This man was with 2 younger elementary age girls. As I was wrangling Maria's wheelchair into the car, he and I made eye contact and smiled at each other. He said hello and asked how things were going. I told him good and asked how he was. He responded that he was doing the best he could. As I got into the car, Maria commented that she had seen him (which I knew she would). As we drove away I was thinking about him....he was independent, taking his kids to the library. Was life easy for him.....probably not, but he was living life. I'm not sure what he thought of me....I'm sure he understands the challenges Maria and I deal with....I wonder if it made him think of his mom. We don't know each other, but we share an understanding one that so many do not understand.

On Monday I started back to work......my summer break officially over. Maria still has 3 weeks of summer left. She is hanging out at Grandma and Grandpa's home having lots of fun with kittens. She is doing good and very happy that grandma made Moussaka for her. It is a blessing to have family nearby, who love Maria and want her with them when I have to work.

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Paperwork

You know those movies, where the parents decide to adopt and magically they get the perfect baby in no time at all? Yeah, that isn't adoption, that is. Hollywood. Adoption is a lot of paperwork. Right now I'm in the process of beginning a new homestudy. For those who don't know a homestudy isn't scary. It is a social worker coming to your home, checking your finances, medical, past history....asking questions about your family, support system, parenting style, etc. It is a lot of information and very in depth. Part of this process is getting a basic physical and blood test, background checks and FBI finger prints.

I'm hoping this part of the paperwork will be done before the middle of September. I have our first appointment for the homestudy on Friday. I'm excited to get the paperwork started. The sooner I can get the homestudy in hand the sooner I can send in documents to the USCIS (that part can be a bit of a wait). My goal is to have my dossier for little sister in her country by the beginning of November. This momma is motivated.

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Life

Adoption is a part of our everyday life. Some days it plays a bigger part than others. This journey has been long, it hasn't always been easy, I have changed so much from when I first started. When I first started the adoption journey, my plan had been to adopt a toddler as healthy as possible. My thoughts were that the younger a child the less likely for attachment issues, the more years together to see her grow. But then things changed.....I saw Maria's picture. I knew she was suppose to be my daughter. My path changed....I began the process of adopting Maria, who was 10, almost 11 at the time. Giving up the dream of a toddler was difficult. I had to face the possibility that I may never have the chance to adopt again, that I might never have the toddler that I had planned for, but I knew Maria was worth it. Maria's adoption was difficult in so many ways....not because of Maria, but more because of the people I had to work with. The Bulgarian agency I worked with was and is about the money.....not about the kids. They do the minimum for families and caused me a lot stress and anger. My placement agency was better, but in the end had to maintain their relationship with the Bulgarian agency. On my pick up trip they were not there for me....no emails, calls, text, etc. I was hurt and angry that a person who claimed to be my friend wasn't there when I needed her. So, I focused on Maria and what she needed. We created a family and my world has been amazing because of her.

Over the past two years, I have healed. I am finished with the Bulgarian agency I had so many issues with. I'm done with the placement agency now too. I have considered time and time again about adopting again....and time and time again it wasn't the right time, I hadn't seen the right child. The thought of going back into the adoption process has made me feel stressed.....so I have been passive. Saying not yet, I'm fine the way things are, Maria needs a sister someday......just never figuring when that day would be. This past week a friend, who also happens to work for a placement agency, sent me a picture and my world turned upside down. This week has been a hurry of initial paperwork and trips to the notary. Gathering ideas for fundraising (adoption is expensive). There will be more post about our new journey to little sister. Just wanted to let everyone know we are back in the paperwork chase and hopefully within a year we will have little sister home.

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Weekend

We got a break from PT this past week. So we decide that we would go on a short vacation. Maria really wanted to see her friend Alexis, so we went to Indianapolis for a long weekend. We ended up meeting up with Alexis' family at a park on Friday and another adoptive family joined us too. It is always great spending time with families who understand adoption, this time was no different. It was wonderful chatting with my friend Valerie, hearing the plans for meeting J and S next month. Seeing how her kids have grown in over a year and being completely entertained by the two littlest boys. The girls love connecting with each other and all the kids had a blast at the park.

After the park we went out to dinner with our friends Kim, Jason and their son, Nikolas. We actually got to celebrate Nikolas' gotcha/family day. They are a great family to spend time with. We had plans with Kim and Nikolas for Saturday morning at the zoo.

Saturday looked a little questionable weather wise, but we got to the zoo bright and early. The kids had fun looking at all the animals and the weather was nice. I think Kim and I got the biggest kick out of seeing. Nikolas push Maria up and down the hills at the zoo. He was very sweet and protective of her. Wanting to make sure she got to see everything. We made sure we did some of the collector penny machines too. My plan is to eventually make Maria a charm bracelet out of her collector pennies.

 

This guy was too funny, he kept spitting out his food at us and then sucking it back in.

The flamingos liked to inspect everything. Nikolas wasn't so sure they should inspect Maria.

Maria wasn't sure at first about feeding the birds.

After the initial shock, she did a lot better.

I even got to hold a parrot for a while.

After the zoo, we went back to the hotel for a long rest. Then we went to a Greek restaurant with Kim, Jason, Nikolas, Jane and her daughter also adopted from Bulgaria. It was a fun evening with lots of entertainment from the kids and the belly dancer. We will just say one day Kim and Jason have some funny photos and video that Nikolas might not want shared with his friends. It was a good time. We had lots of fun....so much that Maria didn't want to leave.

 

 

 

 

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Fear and Hope

Let's be honest....adoption is hard, it is filled with the unknown and with the unknown comes a lot of fear. Fear on the part of the waiting family, fear for the child, fear of the future. Adoption is a leap of faith not knowing where one will land, what will change, what the new reality will be. I will be honest, I totally lucked out with Maria. Yes, she has medical issues and we have had our share of struggles with those. But in regards to bonding, behavior, and even love and acceptance....well it could not have been a better fit. I'm amazed at times thinking of the leap of faith Maria took in agreeing to be adopted. She has blossomed and grown in so many ways since coming home. She is still the shy girl she has always been around new people, although the shyness around me has ceased. She is still kind and very soft hearted about certain things, but she is also learning to have a voice and state what she likes and doesn't like. She continues to have a great love for her birth country and friends who are still there. Which brings me back to fear.....

Zack....oh Zack.....while Maria has blossomed in a family, fear of the unknown and anger at being left behind has hurt Zack. Zack made the choice, on his own, that he does not want to be adopted. The family who has loved him, traveled to meet him and tried to reach out to him, is honoring his feelings and wishes. I completely support the family's decision and am heartbroken for them. At this time Zack will not be adopted....most likely he will never be adopted, unless he changes his feelings about being adopted. Sadly Zack doesn't understand completely what this decision means for him or for his future. I have let our friends in country know that we will continue to try to help him as we can....although we know this means he will most likely never come to the US. It is uncertain if Maria and Zack will be reunited again, but one can always hope.

Hope....we do have hope at this time too. Hope for 2 if Maria's other friends J and S. Their family has finally gotten verbal approval and they are hoping to visit in August. We are anxious to hear how J and S respond to the news of a family and that they will be brothers and have two sisters who use to be in their group at the orphanage. We are praying they are home in time for Christmas....if that happens we might have a special December trip to plan.

You might wonder how Maria is with all this.....well, she is sad for Zack. She knows he can be very difficult and that everyone has tried their best to help him. She wants him to be adopted, but also has accepted he most likely will not be. Maria is thrilled for J and S. She hopes that there will be many visits with their new family and be reunited with some of her friends. We actually got to Skype last Thanksgiving with J and S and get regular updates on them. These boys are special.....many mommas in at least 3 countries have fought for them to have this chance. I know their new momma is ready to have them home and in her arms.

Thank you to all who helped Zack when we were trying to find him a family.

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Maria update

PT today was great. Maria has been standing in the parallel bars for a while now. Today I brought in her crutches per the PT's request. We started off standing with the crutches then took a break. PT asked Maria if she could try taking a step....first one post surgery. What happened next made me cry!

http://youtu.be/HCaPP-yd9xM

 

 

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2 year Gotcha/Family day

2 years ago I made the long trip to Stara Zagora. Walked up the steps to the orphanage and was met by Maria's director and staff. I signed paperwork, was told that Z would be leaving that day too. Was given pictures of her life and watched as she and her best friend said goodbye.....it was hard, but it was the start to our family. In some ways that day seems so long ago and in other ways it was still so recent. We have both grown a lot, gone through a lot....it has been a journey of love.

Here is a photo look back on the past two years.

 

 

 

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