Fear and Hope

Let's be honest....adoption is hard, it is filled with the unknown and with the unknown comes a lot of fear. Fear on the part of the waiting family, fear for the child, fear of the future. Adoption is a leap of faith not knowing where one will land, what will change, what the new reality will be. I will be honest, I totally lucked out with Maria. Yes, she has medical issues and we have had our share of struggles with those. But in regards to bonding, behavior, and even love and acceptance....well it could not have been a better fit. I'm amazed at times thinking of the leap of faith Maria took in agreeing to be adopted. She has blossomed and grown in so many ways since coming home. She is still the shy girl she has always been around new people, although the shyness around me has ceased. She is still kind and very soft hearted about certain things, but she is also learning to have a voice and state what she likes and doesn't like. She continues to have a great love for her birth country and friends who are still there. Which brings me back to fear.....

Zack....oh Zack.....while Maria has blossomed in a family, fear of the unknown and anger at being left behind has hurt Zack. Zack made the choice, on his own, that he does not want to be adopted. The family who has loved him, traveled to meet him and tried to reach out to him, is honoring his feelings and wishes. I completely support the family's decision and am heartbroken for them. At this time Zack will not be adopted....most likely he will never be adopted, unless he changes his feelings about being adopted. Sadly Zack doesn't understand completely what this decision means for him or for his future. I have let our friends in country know that we will continue to try to help him as we can....although we know this means he will most likely never come to the US. It is uncertain if Maria and Zack will be reunited again, but one can always hope.

Hope....we do have hope at this time too. Hope for 2 if Maria's other friends J and S. Their family has finally gotten verbal approval and they are hoping to visit in August. We are anxious to hear how J and S respond to the news of a family and that they will be brothers and have two sisters who use to be in their group at the orphanage. We are praying they are home in time for Christmas....if that happens we might have a special December trip to plan.

You might wonder how Maria is with all this.....well, she is sad for Zack. She knows he can be very difficult and that everyone has tried their best to help him. She wants him to be adopted, but also has accepted he most likely will not be. Maria is thrilled for J and S. She hopes that there will be many visits with their new family and be reunited with some of her friends. We actually got to Skype last Thanksgiving with J and S and get regular updates on them. These boys are special.....many mommas in at least 3 countries have fought for them to have this chance. I know their new momma is ready to have them home and in her arms.

Thank you to all who helped Zack when we were trying to find him a family.

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