Beginning to grieve

This has been a fairly quiet week over all...no big appointments were scheduled or events happening until Friday.  Well, this is what was really needed for some of the homesickness to come to the surface.  Nothing really big happened.  I realized quickly what was happening.  On Monday Maria seemed more quick to whine or cry about things.  Not out of the norm for her to whine....crying usually happens when she is very frustrated, if she thinks she is in trouble or if I tell her something she doesn't want to hear or a little more harsh than normal (hey, it happens).  I was able to talk with her about what was going on a little bit and she said she was sad...missing the doma.  Ok, 100% understandable and completely ok.  We ended up planning a quiet evening....when she made sure to test me on the major things that I have been trying to get her to stop.  I realized quickly what was going on and made some quick decisions.  First, there would be no iPad/laptop while Maria was up.  I needed to regain control and this was one way to do so.  I also knew that I needed to stick to our routine....Monday I altered from our dinner time routine b/c I was on the phone with my friend.  I also decided to take a different approach to the behaviors I want stopped.  So, that night I removed the iPad to my room, the whole out of site out of mind.  I did message Manuela that things were a little rocky and we would not be doing Skype for a while, which she totally understood.  Tuesday I let Maria decided how long she wanted to stay in bed.  She could get into her wheelchair at any point and everything was ready for her to take her shower...she waited a long time until I finally came in and asked her if she was ready and started to leave when she gave me no answer.  We ended up spending a good chunk of the day making 26 cards for people back at the doma.  I encouraged her to write little messages in them while I did some cleaning.  Well, that is when the major crying started....she had worked on one message and just couldn't do more.  Not sure why....I stayed with her while she was crying.  I have found that if I try to comfort her, the crying fits will be worse.  So, I was there if she needed me, but not giving her much attention.  Eventually she quieted down enough to let me know that she was missing the doma.  We put the cards away and I did hold her for a while.  She started doing her testing again and I applied my new way of dealing with these behaviors....I do not say anything, do not give her any attention and deliberately look away from her.  She really didn't know what to think about this....at first she tried the behavior again...still no reaction from me.  Then she said "no (specific behavior)" and turned my cheek towards her to give me a kiss.  She is such an adult pleaser that this technique of planned ignoring and not responding is working for us.  Guess what...since Tuesday the undesired behaviors have rarely occurred!  We also got a call on Tuesday that her new shoes were done!  Wednesday we went and got the new shoes...had to put them on right then.  The Orthotic place was great...they did the lifts for the shoes for free...I was expecting it to be about $50 per pair of shoes.  It was great on the way home Maria would bend down and touch her new shoes saying "Maria's shoes".  She loves them and wanted to show them off to grandma and grandpa right away.  Things have also gone well today.  I am continuing to react to specific behaviors through planned ignoring and I'm trying hard to be supportive as possible regarding the grieving that she is going through.  There will be many hard days ahead...what we have been through so far has been minor compared to what it could be.  Still her crying fits are tiring for both of us.....thankfully I have had lots of experience with these and other kinds of fits from kids through my job, so I haven't gotten too frazzled from them yet (hoping it stays that way).