Adoption advice

When I started the adoption process I was told keep things small when the child comes home. Just stay at home, don't let others visit, don't take the child out into the community, etc....make the child's world small. When I knew Maria was my daughter and I would be bringing her home, I wasn't sure that would be the best for her. That advice seemed to make sense for young children who didn't understand what was happening...who's world was turned upside down. But I was bringing home an 11 year old who was on target cognitively.

I made the choice to have quiet days at home, but we also had days out and about experiencing life. We went to the store, we went shopping (even at the Justice store with in the first week she was home), we went to the zoo, visited family and friends. Maria knew who her mom was, she knew she was ok. She loved spending time out and seeing things. This and continued communication with people from her orphanage helped her transition to life at home. In the little over a year home Maria has only grieved the loss of the orphanage 3-5 days. She knows she is loved here, Stara Zagora and Switzerland. She knows one day we will go back to Bulgaria and spend time with her Bulgarian family from the orphanage.

This week I got an SOS from another adoptive mom. Her older kiddo was homesick...missing Bulgaria, missing other kids...very normal stuff. I suggested they try doing things together within the community. I knew it helped Maria and made some suggestions. Maria also got to help out by speaking to the other kiddo in Bulgarian.

The other thing I hear a lot about is food issues. Maria didn't eat a lot when she came home. She didn't like really spiced foods...although salsa was an exception. She also didn't like her food to be hot when she ate it. She preferred bland foods when she came home....I fairly certain that she ate a lot of pasta, eggs, rice and veggies at the orphanage. Those are still foods she enjoys. She really loved quiche...it was the first time she requested more to eat. Another thing we figured out quickly that she liked was cottage cheese and crescent hotdogs. She didn't and still doesn't like any carbonated drinks...so no soda for her.

I know that most people will give you their opinion on what you should or shouldn't do with a newly adopted child. At the end of the day you need to do what feels right for your child and your family. I pretty much broke all the standard adoption advice and couldn't be happier with the outcome. I allowed continued contact with people from the orphanage (going against what my coordinator told me to do) and Maria has maintained healthy relationships and her Bulgarian. We went out and did things that she would find interesting and new to her so that she wouldn't focus on missing Z or others....it ended up meaning that she got to experience a lot of new things and give her more confidence. So, in the end advice is just a suggestion...it is not right for every child or every family.

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