Reality

Another adoption blogger wrote a post about her realizations regarding international adopt, specifically about adopting from Bulgaria.  She is completely correct about the frustrations that waiting families face.  It also made me realize that it is important to be upfront and honest about the process with other families.  It isn't all sunshine and roses.  I know my friend Viviane is always trying to let families new to the process understand the wait, the process and the children who are being referred needs.  At times people just don't want to hear or accept what she is saying.  No matter if you plan on adopting a child with special needs or "healthy", the child is still going to have needs due to the circumstances that they have lived with in their short lives.  Medical-social homes and orphanages do try to provide children with the basics, but there are things they cannot provide to children to the degree that children need.  They just don't have the time, the staff, money or the ability to create a family type environment in these facilities.  We also know that there are some orphanages that don't compare to our worst nightmares.  Thus being said, the child will have issues that waiting families might not of planned for or expected.

Where I'm at right now....about 2 weeks ago I got an email from my agency saying that the BG agency thought that I might have court on April 9th and that they needed 3 documents notarized, apostatized and sent to BG now, since the potential court date was on Monday.  Well, I rushed around the next day and got everything together, notarized, apostatized and FedEx to the agency in BG (by the way if you haven't had the pleasure of sending things directly to BG yet it cost around $120 for a FedEx envelope).  I was told by FedEx that it should be there Monday before 6pm.  I also, per my US agency, scanned copies of the documents to them and they were forwarded to the BG agency so that they could have things translated and ready to go. 
Honestly, at this point I knew the documents were going to be there on time and I was HIGHLY frustrated that I was given very short notice of the need for these documents.  I had 2 business days to get these done and sent over and they still didn't get to the agency until 5pm that Monday night.  So, I knew that court wasn't going to happen that day.  The question was, when will my court date be.  Last week on Tuesday I got word on my court date.  Needless to say I was NOT happy at all.  My court is not until May.  I have only shared the specific date with a few people right now.  So many people are so supportive of my adopting M and are anxiously awaiting word on when I can go back and get her.  They mean well, but at times the questions about news and what is going on aren't easy on me.  They just reinforce the frustration and anger that I feel.  Yes, I feel anger.....I do not feel that it should have taken as long as it did to get a court date or that the court date should be so far out.  I am angry about the way things seem to happen at the very last moment and I am expected to drop everything to get it done.  Both agencies I am working with have done many adoptions in Bulgaria, they know what will be needed for court and could have easily let me know what was needed with more notice. 
Mostly I'm angry about what this means for M.  She is 11, she understands the process to a degree.  She has seen many friends go through the same process and is anxiously waiting for me to return for her.  In December she asked me when I would return for her.  I told her I hoped to return in April or May.....now I don't know that May will be possible.  It could be easily close to 6 months between visits!  I have no idea what this extra wait will do to M.....I have emailed her agency director letting him know what is going on and have requested that the psychologist talk with M about the potential for the wait for my return being longer.  Due to this I don't see how we will be going to the Bulgarian Adoptee's Reunion this summer, which also saddens me.  It was wonderful connecting with all the other families last year and I was excited for M to get to meet other kids who have been adopted from Bulgaria.  I was hopeful that M would get to reconnect with a friend from her orphanage that was adopted by Valerie at the reunion.  Although, Valerie and I plan on getting the girls together as soon as possible to re connect.  We are both very excited to see that reunion. 
I just keep thinking about M, waiting...............