Adoption update

July 30th
Ok, so I know I am not going to post this one for a while, but needed to get it written down.....
So, here I go...over the past 6 months God has really been opening my heart to special needs kids.  I'm not sure specifically why, but He has been placing these kids on my heart more and more.  I am able to see waiting children through my agency to consider.  I have asked about a few, but it came to nothing until the middle of June.  A little gal came across my email....in fact I had seen her 2 times before.  The agency in Bulgaria has been trying to find her a home for almost 2 years.  The times I had seen her before, I wasn't ready, but I was drawn to her...I could tell she was special.  At first she was too old, how could I handle that sn, that sn would change my life, etc.  These were the thoughts that went through my head the other times I saw her.  This time, nothing...well that isn't exactly true...my thoughts was I can do this, my house has to be as good, if not better than where she currently is (honestly this was a concern before).  I could see myself parenting this child....sure she is older than what I thought I would adopt (10 years old, will be 11 when she comes home).  She has a sn, but that doesn't mean that we can't live a happy fulfilled life together.

From mid June to the beginning of July was hard.  This is the time I like to call "God messing with my life" :)  I was interested in this child and it was time to talk with my family.  So, I started talking with my parents, who I expected to tell me I was crazy.  My mom's response was "10 year olds are great!" and "It won't hurt to talk with Kay (my adoption coordinator)"....my dad's response was to go for it.  At this point I felt like I would be all in if I could adopt a toddler at the same time.  So, I emailed Kay and asked LOTS of questions about her needs and the possibility of adopting 2 kids at once.  I waited for a reply and then gave her a call.  We talked about the situation and she said she would get me the information and see about my adopting two at once.  The next day I had my answers and the chance of getting a toddler with mild sn as a referral was not going to happen if I requested this little gal.  My choice was to either pass on this little girl, choose another sn child or adopt this little gal and resubmit my dossier for a healthy toddler later on.  I was heartbroken.  I have dreamed of a toddler for years and it felt like I was having to give up on that dream or this new one.  I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.

So, I talked with my mom and she told me what I needed her to say...."if you really want a toddler then wait for a toddler".  I wasn't happy with this answer, it didn't feel right.  I felt like I needed to talk with a friend who would give an outside perspective.   I debated between calling two different friends and decided to talk with my friend Andrea (who was in Hawaii at the time).  We talked, I told her what was going on and being the amazing friend that she is, she prayed with me over the phone and ended the conversation with her wisdom "I think you already know what you are suppose to do."  I must say at times it is hard having friends who know me so well :)  I was still feeling very torn about the situation.  I went to bed that night thinking about this little gal, I woke up thinking about this little gal.....I could see her just fitting into my home and with me.  This went on all day long....then the other friend who I had thought of calling the day before called.  Dora Beth wanted to set up a day together while I was on summer break.  Well, needless to say I ended up telling her what was going on.  Dora Beth completely got how I was feeling....she understood in only a way another adoptive parent would understand.  Dora Beth prayed with me over the phone and told me that I can still have both dreams.  At this point I knew that this new dream and this little gal were suppose to be a part of my life.  The weekend of the 4th of  July I told my parents.  My dad's response was "I already knew you were going to adopt her."  My mom was very excited too, in fact she said she could just see this little gal fitting into their home too.  Oh, and my mom's grandmother gene has kicked into over drive :)  She said there is no way any grandchild of her's is going to get patted down by airport security....which means most likely we will be flying in and out of O'Hare (maybe not depending on the new regulations for children under 12).  Ok, by me it's my favorite airport (I know, I'm nuts).  On July 5th (before leaving for the U2 concert) I called my adoption coordinator and told her that I wanted to adopt this little gal.

At the moment I committed to adopting her, a sense of peace has just washed over me.  I have been in touch with a developmental pediatrician who specializes in her sn....I got positive response about her medical from him.  I just wish he was in the same state so that he could be her doctor.  But he will help me find a specialist here.  My mom and I also spent time talking with my nephew and niece about my adopting a child who is older than they are and who may have a special need.  Both kids were very open to both ideas and then out of nowhere my niece says "Auntie Kat you should adopt a little girl in a wheelchair".  This child will have to use a wheelchair at times.  Needless to say I wasn't expecting her response and have been humbled by how God has been involved in this.  I know there will be lots of challenges and I would be lying if I said I didn't have any fears about this.  I Know I will have a lot to learn, but I am so excited about the possibilities of having this little gal in my life and getting to be her mom.
September 21
Last week while emailing with another PAP, I found out that this little gal has officially been placed on hold for me.  Now I just have to get through all the paperwork issues that I am having right now.