First day of 6th grade

We were so busy had to snap one of her as she was leaving the car! She had a good day despite not wanting to be in 6th grade. She saw a lot of friends and was thrilled to wear her short overalls. Yeah, I don't get it either. She is growing up and we had messages from Bulgaria and Switzerland via Facebook commenting on her first day of school. We also had another Bulgarian adoptee ask his mom "Who the cutie was"...yeah not ready for that yet and she didn't know what to think about it either. Hope everyone else is have a good start to the school year too!

 

Posted with Blogsy

I'm Tyler...

Yesterday started the 8th year with my current job.  Every year the administration wants to inspire us to do our best, to help kids, make a difference.  This year they hit the nail on the head.  We started with the normal introductions of admin, new staff, support staff....then we were told about the speaker and a short video started.  A video produced as an Eagle Scout's project...Tyler wanted to share about who he is in a very creative way.....allowing his audience to see who he is and then throws quite the curve ball at them.  It drove home EVERYTHING I know and believe about kids....especially my daughter.  Through him I could see her....achieving anything she sets her mind to.....sports, school, friends, the sky is the limit. 

Ability awareness is wonderful....in the end Tyler talked about how really his video wasn't about him, it was about the people in his life that didn't put limitations on him.  People putting limitations on Maria is the quickest way to make my momma bear come out.  This happened once this summer.....it was a hard situation and I was too tired from all our appointments and schedule to deal with it in the moment.  What was suppose to be a wonderful time, ended up being the dark spot of our summer. 

So, how can others have ability awareness with Maria?  First, don't compare her to other people with differbilities.  With any diagnosis/medical condition there is a range/spectrum, it isn't the same for everyone.  Until you have spent time (more than an hour) with her and seen what she is capable of, you won't know what she can do.  Second, don't make assumptions.  Just because Maria uses crutches and a wheelchair doesn't mean that she is slow, it doesn't mean that she won't want to do what everyone else is doing.  If you assume she is going to just sit there and wait for you happily, you are very wrong.  She will do it if an adult tell her to, most likely very grumpily, but she would rather do it her way with her peers.  Third, Maria's wheelchair, crutches and braces are part of who she is.  Don't think what a poor kid or feel sorry for her, that won't help her.  Get over your issue with her adaptive equipment, it's your issue, not her's.  At the same time respect that these are tools for Maria to use....ask before you touch them, don't push her in her wheelchair unless she asks you (and even then we are currently encouraging her building endurance, so don't push her).  I get it that it is common to stare at the kid in the wheelchair or with the forearm crutches or orthotics....trust me, I see the stares....I see the kids who are quickly hushed by their parent when they ask a normal question....I also see the people who go above and beyond when they don't have to...the ones who smile at her, who hold doors open, who give up their place in line so we can use the handicap accessible bathroom stall.  Fourth, just because something is "handicap accessible" it doesn't not mean that it really is accessible for everyone or right for Maria, what it means simple is that it meets the minimum standards for the ADA laws (yeah, one hotel we were in this summer had no elevator, still trying to figure that one out).  Another example of this is in hotel rooms....the handicap accessible bathrooms are huge, which is nice, but the toilets are so far away from the shower/bathtub that an easy transfer from one to the other doesn't happen....instead she has to do two extra transfers, usually without her braces to give her legs extra support.  Ramps are great, but if she is walking, sometimes the stairs are easier, because it means a shorter distance for her.  Hand railings are a must for stairs, but I have yet to see one that is long enough for her.  It is also amazing the number of homes that do not have hand railings.  Last, remember she is a NORMAL 12 year old girl.  She doesn't always like to talk, especially with people she doesn't know well....in fact she prefers to communicate with non-verbal facial expressions most of the time (drives me nuts).  She has great verbal skills, but she is also a HUGE perfectionist.....she doesn't like to be corrected or make mistakes, trust me I know.  The more comfortable she is with someone, the more she is willing to talk to them.  She loves music, sports, the cats, time with friends, shopping, clothes, looking at magazines and the normal girly things.  She also wants kids to like her for who she is.  She is more open to kids who approach her and make an effort.  I saw this first hand with Katrina the other day....Maria enjoyed that time so much because Katrina was interested in her....and I have heard questions about Katrina ever since!

I'm trying my hardest to help Maria know that she can overcome the limitations in her life.  Sometimes it takes me time to figure out how, but thankfully I have some great friends and family who help me.  They also help support me when others bring out the momma bear.  So, when Maria's newest desire to learn to ice skate....yup, gave me a grey hair or two when she said that one, came up, my friends were quick to give me suggestions.  One even asked Tyler's mom yesterday and now we know of a place in Iowa that can help her fulfill this dream. 

If you want to find out more about Tyler or order his video (which I highly recommend) check out his website www.imtyler.org

Last days of summer....

Summer is quickly (too quickly) winding down. I go back to work this week and I don't feel one bit ready for it. Oh we'll, it happens....got to work and Maria will start 6th grade next week. She also isn't quite ready for it...but that has more to do with not wanting to be in 6th grade.

We are having a great end to the summer. On Saturday we got to meet up with some friends from Nebraska. Doug and Lynda are amazing people...they have such big hearts for orphans. Maria and I were lucky to welcome them home last February with their some Andrei. Since they first met Andrei they were told about another little boy waiting in Bulgaria. The committed to him and should be visiting him sometime next month. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be around other families who not only understand international adoption, but understand the ignorance that comes with having a disability. Both Lynda and Doug are deaf....they have chosen to adopt children who are also deaf. They face challenges I cannot understand, but face these challenges head on...asking for help when they need it. It was great spending the day with them at the mall....seeing their two oldest children who are home bond with Maria. Seeing Andrei with such a love for life and willingness to learn. Maria loved it....in fact she told me several times that she didn't want to go home, she was having too much fun. We are planning to meet up again so the kids can spend more time together. It was a day of share for us adults too...I got to share my knowledge of IEPs and they got to understand better some of the challenges Maria deal with. It was just good to be able to say things that most people don't understand. If you are interested in helping them with their adoption, here is their donation link http://reecesrainbow.org/59631/sponsorcollicott

 

 

Posted with Blogsy

Aaaaarg!

Some things just make me mad....madder than mad.

Tonight I was getting to chat with some adults who participate in wheelchair basketball. One was recently a contestant in Miss Wheelchair America in Texas. She mentioned that 2 contestants ended up getting hurt....one fell off the stage when she got too close to the edge, but was fine. The other was on an elevator...in the elevator was a teenager who didn't feel "cripples" should be allowed to use the elevator. This teen kicked the other contestant in the stomach, she was hurt, I don't know how badly. This is abuse! So, why haven't you heard about it? The victim didn't report the abuse for some reason.....I don't know the reason why she didn't....I'm not going to judge her for making that choice. But I do feel what happened to her should be known...this type of behavior shouldn't be tolerated. This teen should be held responsible for such a vicious act. Parents please teach your children compassion and how to be a decent human being!

Posted with Blogsy

In the hospital

Maria had surgery yesterday. She came through it like a champ. Some pain....not a lot. She was rather annoyed when they wouldn't let her have "real food"....she even told a nurse McDonalds sounded really good. Yup, funny kiddo. She was allowed to eat some food yesterday and managed it really well. She has been a good patient....wanting to watch Disney shows and play with the toys I got her. I even found her a big mustache to play with. We are hoping we still might get discharged today....but I have a feeling that won't happen since it is almost 6pm.

 

 

Posted with Blogsy

Adoption advice

When I started the adoption process I was told keep things small when the child comes home. Just stay at home, don't let others visit, don't take the child out into the community, etc....make the child's world small. When I knew Maria was my daughter and I would be bringing her home, I wasn't sure that would be the best for her. That advice seemed to make sense for young children who didn't understand what was happening...who's world was turned upside down. But I was bringing home an 11 year old who was on target cognitively.

I made the choice to have quiet days at home, but we also had days out and about experiencing life. We went to the store, we went shopping (even at the Justice store with in the first week she was home), we went to the zoo, visited family and friends. Maria knew who her mom was, she knew she was ok. She loved spending time out and seeing things. This and continued communication with people from her orphanage helped her transition to life at home. In the little over a year home Maria has only grieved the loss of the orphanage 3-5 days. She knows she is loved here, Stara Zagora and Switzerland. She knows one day we will go back to Bulgaria and spend time with her Bulgarian family from the orphanage.

This week I got an SOS from another adoptive mom. Her older kiddo was homesick...missing Bulgaria, missing other kids...very normal stuff. I suggested they try doing things together within the community. I knew it helped Maria and made some suggestions. Maria also got to help out by speaking to the other kiddo in Bulgarian.

The other thing I hear a lot about is food issues. Maria didn't eat a lot when she came home. She didn't like really spiced foods...although salsa was an exception. She also didn't like her food to be hot when she ate it. She preferred bland foods when she came home....I fairly certain that she ate a lot of pasta, eggs, rice and veggies at the orphanage. Those are still foods she enjoys. She really loved quiche...it was the first time she requested more to eat. Another thing we figured out quickly that she liked was cottage cheese and crescent hotdogs. She didn't and still doesn't like any carbonated drinks...so no soda for her.

I know that most people will give you their opinion on what you should or shouldn't do with a newly adopted child. At the end of the day you need to do what feels right for your child and your family. I pretty much broke all the standard adoption advice and couldn't be happier with the outcome. I allowed continued contact with people from the orphanage (going against what my coordinator told me to do) and Maria has maintained healthy relationships and her Bulgarian. We went out and did things that she would find interesting and new to her so that she wouldn't focus on missing Z or others....it ended up meaning that she got to experience a lot of new things and give her more confidence. So, in the end advice is just a suggestion...it is not right for every child or every family.

Posted with Blogsy

Eyes

A little over a week ago Maria had surgery on her eyes. She had Strabismus, but a very mild case. Since it was mild, I did let Maria have a say on if we would go a head with surgery. She stated she no longer wanted to have a crossed eye. So, the surgery was scheduled....for three weeks she had prisms on her glasses to trick her brain into thinking she had already had the surgery. By doing this, it meant that if the eye was going to cross further it would do so before surgery and she would most likely not require a second surgery.

Day of the surgery came...she was nervous. She had her favorite pink penguin with her as she attempted to negotiate getting out of the surgery. Yup, Maria argued that not having surgery should be an option (completely unlike her). It was her fears talking. She was able to tell the anesthesiologist that she didn't want to be given the gas this time to make her sleep. Instead she got some yucky tasting medicine that made her loopy very quickly.

As you can see she wasn't very excited.

She came out of surgery like a trooper. Got to even have a Popsicle.

On the way home Maria was her goofy self....the way she is when it is just the two of us....the Maria others don't usually get to see. I ended up asking my mom, who was with us, if she had ever seen Maria this way. She said no, but she wants to see this Maria again.

After care has been fairly easy with he help of another adoptive mom, Lauren, who knows eye issues. She quickly gave me some tips and tricks for the eye drops that worked great. The ointment was just a pain, it is hard to get into the eye.

Today we had the first post surgery follow up appointment. It went well. Maria is healing quickly. She can start swimming next week and her eyes look amazing!

 

 

Posted with Blogsy