Warning!!

Officially entering the teen years!

Happy 13th Birthday Maria!

 

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Track clinic

Maria has been wanting to try wheelchair racing for awhile. I started talking with a few people earlier this fall because the NJDC will be held in July 2014 in Ames, IA. We would love to see Maria have a chance to participate in the games. So, I started asking around and trying to figure out where to start. We were told of GLASA in the Chicago area and that they had a track clinic coming up. We signed up and were excited to see what Maria would think of it.

The clinic was on Saturday from 1-3. The participants were divided into 3 groups, based on age and experience. Maria was in group 1 for youth that were beginners. The first station was sitting/fitting for a racing chair. This takes some time. While Maria and the other kids waited, they got to race in their everyday chairs. Skill and ability varied, but Maria did well.

Finally Maria got fitted for a chair and got to try one out. While this was happen, something unexpected happened. I was talking to one of the coaches and mentioned Maria was from Bulgaria and he told me there was another girl from Bulgaria there too. He called her over. Dana was adopted at 2 and now is 20. She really doesn't have many Bulgarian connections and was so excited to meet us. Her mom and sister were there too. Dana normally is a lead for blind runners. She was in a wheelchair because she had recently has surgery. Her sister is also a wheelchair racer. We exchanged information so that I could help get her connected with other Bulgarian adoptees. By this point, Maria was in a racing chair and trying it out.

According to the GLASA staff and former Paralympic racer Maria is a natural and has the right build for wheelchair racing. In fact heard some real positive things. Maria loved it! She is ready to do more!

After Maria got out of her chair it was time for the nutrition portion of the event. Maria got to make a yummy snack and had a lot of fun. In fact on of the coaches even gave me his card so that we can get training workouts to help her prepare for qualifying! Now onto finding a racing chair. Going to try a couple different groups to see if it can be covered by a grant or at least partially funded. A racing chair starts at $3200! Not sure what I will do if those options don't work out....might need to do a little fundraising for it.

Two Bulgarians!

 

 

 

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Chicago weekend

We often go to Chicago area to visit with friends of mine from college. This weekend held a different purpose. Because I knew this weekend we would be there far ahead of time, I asked several other adoptive families if they wanted to join us in the hotel. Two other families took us up on a fun weekend.

Friday night we arrived around 8 and met up with the Weal family. They are adopting a sweet little boy from Maria's orphanage who happens to be blind. I met them through Facebook and it just happened that Maria knew the child they are adopting. Right now they are in between trips and waiting for a court date. We are very excited for their little hoy to come home.

Friday night we spent in the hotel room, us moms talking and our girls on a bed making Raimbow Loom bracelets. They had so much fun! The loom bracelets are a big hit with most girls in the 9-14 age range right now. I have no clue how many bracelets they made, but I know Maria had on 2 to start with and by today had on 6.

Saturday Kim and Nikolas joined us too. They did a little trip to Legoland, but it was super busy from what Kim said. Kim and I got some talking time in too, but her little guy wasn't quite his normal self.

We also spent some time on Saturday with two of my college friends. Nicole stopped by in the morning and we chatted before needing to go to the track clinic and then Andrea and her daughter Scarlett came and spent the night with us. All the kids loved swimming. Maria got to try out a swimming tube....she loved it. I have never seen her look so confident in the water and be willing to be so far away from the side. Of course more loom bracelets were made.

Today brought a quick trip to the Bulgarian market, Malincho. We love this store...most of the adoptive families I know rave about Jungle Jim's in Cinncinatti, but they have nothing on Malincho. Malincho is like shopping at a market in Bulgaria. Today we got fresh banitsa to eat and lots of snack foods including salted stixs, Double croissants and juice too. After that we decided to get lunch at Ave BG, a local BG restaurant. It was good. Maria wanted Bulgarian meatballs of course with peach juice. Others had tarator soup, Shopsak salad, and a yummy chicken dish. While we were out there was quite the storm that hit the area. Some flooding happened on the streets and there were some semi trucks that were getting towed on the interstate that we saw.

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Grades

For anyone who adopts a school age child, there are many challenges. First the language must come, but it can take 5-7 years for the child to understand the language enough to begin to understand academical language....and in case you are wondering, there is a BIG difference between conversational English and academical English. Last year Maria spent a short time working with an ELL (English Language Learner) teacher. This teacher was focused on the conversational English, not on helping Maria begin to understand the academical English, which is where most ELL struggle. The teacher was not open to preteaching academic words or vocabulary that Maria would be taught in her classroom, which was recommended by the ELL resource at my agency. So, I made the choice to pull Maria out of ELL shortly after parent teacher conferences. I will add that all Maria was doing with the ELL teacher at that point was bringing home note cards with words or phrases on them for us to translate into Bulgarian....yeah, it wasn't really teaching her anything. I knew she had strong teachers last year that would make sure she did well.

This year has been different. Changing classes....different teachers for each class....more homework. I'm not going to lie....homework time is NOT pretty at our house. Most time there are tears...not because she can't do it, but because I won't make it easier for her. I do help her, give her options, talk through things with her, explain how I come to my answer, etc. it is exhausting for both of us at times. Then there is the issue of grades.....well, my perfectionist daughter cries when she gets anything other than an A. In fact she has told me that B's aren't good enough for her. She worked really hard the first quarter. Some of her grades dropped because of testing...specifically testing with vocabulary and matching terms and meaning. But at the end of the day Maria came home with 5 As and 3 Bs. She made the A honor roll! This is without having work modified for her or getting extra help. I couldn't be more pleased and proud of her.

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Bulgarian meatballs

A few weeks ago when we were at the hospital for Maria's appointments we went to a Greek/Mediterranean place for lunch. Maria had a lamb gyro and loved it! Claiming it tasted like Bulgarian meatballs (which really aren't in the shape of balls). I mentioned it to my mom that Maria liked lamb. Well, my dad took a hold of that information and went out seeking for some lamb meat for his granddaughter (anyone want to guess who has grandpa wrapped around her little finger?). Well, my dad located some lamb and he and mom made some plans to make some Bulgarian meatballs today. I found some recipes (we ended up using one from a Bulgarian cook book I have, with a few modifications). When Maria found out yesterday what grandma was going to try making for her she was ecstatic and cheerfully exclaimed "Good Grandma!" Today Maria helped my mom with making the Bulgarian treat and exclaimed it tasted as good as the Bulgarian ones!

So, here is how to make them:

1 lb ground beef and 1 lb ground lamb mixed

1 onion (finely chopped or grated)

1t salt

1t pepper

1t garlic powder (you could use fresh garlic if you have it)

2t cumin

3/4 cup dried parsley (you could use fresh)

Make into patties and grill

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A Step of Faith

A while back my fantastic homestudy social worker asked if I would write up something about Maria's adoption and reference her services for their annual report. I happen to have one of the best homestudy social workers and quickly agreed. This week, much to my surprise, in the mail was a copy of their annual report with Maria's story in it. A couple people have asked to read it, so I'm going to put it up on the blog.

 

A step of faith. That is what my decision to adopt Maria was. My dossier had been registered a year June 2011 with the country of Bulgaria for a healthy as possible toddler. Then Maria's picture and medical came in an email. Honestly, I had seen her before and always been drawn to her.....but I wanted to adopt a toddler that was healthy. I wasn't ready to consider adopting an older child with special needs. Seeing her picture this time was different.....I knew I could parent her, I could just see her in my life and home. I discussed the possibility with my family and much to my surprise they were open and positive to this possibility. After much thought and prayer, I knew this girl was suppose to be my daughter. I formally committed to adopting Maria in July 2011.

After updating my homestudy to reflect Maria's age and special needs, I was finally able to go to Bulgaria to meet her just before Christmas. Being in Bulgaria was a bit surreal in the moment. Traveling with a good friend and fellow adoptive mom helped keep me grounded during the trip and visits. I will always remember the moment during the first visit that Maria was told I wanted to be her mom. She had always asked the adults in her life, if there would ever be a family that wanted her. When she heard I wanted to be her mom, she had the biggest smile and look of wonder in her face. She had waited 11 years to have a mom, to be a part of a family. The visits with Maria were wonderful. She was a sweet and charming girl, who was interested in everything. She loved looking at pictures and wanted to know everyone's name. During my visits I was also able to learn more about her Spina Bifida, although it would take bringing her home and talking with specialist here to realize what a miracle she really is.

The 6 months following my first trip were some of the slowest I can remember....6 months of waiting for signatures, a court date and for the much anticipated travel dates. On June 25th 2012, I went to Maria's orphanage in Stara Zagora, Bulgaria and got my daughter. I wish I could tell you it was a happy experience....it was hard. I was taking Maria from the only home she had ever known, from the people she loved and who loved her, from her best friend. On too of all that, her best friend was being transferred to a different orphanage at the same time I was picking up Maria. It was HARD! Over our week in Bulgaria Maria quickly attached to me. She knew how to attach to adults, she knew what loving bonds looked like, the psychologist at her orphanage had worked with her about family roles so she knew what to expect. It was amazing to see her come out of her shell, become playful and show her true self.

Once we finally were home we started having communication through Skype, Facebook and email with staff and people who she knew from her time in the orphanage. It was one of the best decisions I made. It helped her to transition better to home, knowing I was supportive of her relationships and would allow her to continue having a connection to her old life. Because of continuing these relationships Maria rarely grieves leaving the orphanage. She is able to know that she is still loved and remembered by the people she still loves. There is rarely a day that goes by that we don't talk about someone from her orphanage. In fact we even visited one of her friends from the orphanage who has also bed adopted over the summer.

Maria has blossomed in other ways too. She was a child who had never really walked outside before or on slick surfaces. She walks all over the place now and managed the snow and ice well. Yes, there are times and places she needs her wheelchair, but she chooses to walk most of the time. She is so smart and continues to make gains in school while maintaining her first language. She is interested in sports (something that would never have been a possibility in Bulgaria). We are hoping go try wheelchair racing.

Throughout the whole process of Maria's adoption one of my biggest supports was my homestudy social worker Jan from YHFS. Jan didn't question my decision to adopt Maria. She trusted my decision and wanted to know about Maria. She was always excited about updates. The process and learning about who Maria was. She was good about talking about issues when they came up and was extremely supportive of Maria's continued relationship with her former caretakers. I'm not sure I would have made it through the adoption process without Jan's support.

Maria is such a joy. She is loved by so many people and has a light about her that draws people in. She is sensitive and caring, but also so strong.....she was born with Myelomeningocele Spina Bifida at the T12 level. She should be paralyzed from the belly button down, but she isn't. She shouldn't be able to walk, but she does and she can walk up and down stairs. She should have hydrocephalus and have a shunt, but she doesn't. She should have learning disabilities, but she doesn't. Yes, there are times when her disability is difficult....she has had 3 surgeries since coming home. But through it all she is a normal happy, loving and sometimes moody almost 13 year old. She is also excitedly waiting for her best friend from the orphanage to come to the US....yes, we helped find her best friend a family and he should be in Texas in the next 4-6 months.

 

 

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Older child adoption

I will be honest, somehow I lucked out with adopting Maria.  She is an amazing, sweet girl who was greatly loved in her orphanage.  No, it wasn't the same as having a family...but she did have adults there who cared for her, they still care for her and love her.  I have not gone through power struggles or manipulation like many families have had to deal with.....I have not seen an adoptive parent's worst nightmare of RAD (I know several families who have children with RAD, who are wonderful with them).  Because Maria has fit so well and hasn't really grieved, I have had those expected experiences.  I haven't had to seek additional help for adjusting or give difficult consequences due to behaviors...seriously the worst consequence Maria gets is an early bedtime or missing out on an activity as a natural consequence.

But there is another side to older child adoption....one that isn't so happy.  A friend who is a single mom is in need of help.  She is a first time mom to a 12 year old adopted 5 months ago.  This child is wanted, but is struggling to adjust.  The mom has tried everything recommended to her and nothing is helping her daughter.  Just recently I learned how bad the situation is....out of respect I'm not going to share the details.  Doctors and therapist in this family's life have recommended a very specific and intensive therapeutic treatment.  Sadly this treatment is most likely not going to be covered  by insurance.  The mom has set up a site to raise part of the funds needed to make sure the daughter that she loves and has fought for will finally get the emotional healing that she needs.  Please consider helping them
 http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/funding-for-therapy