Journey of the Heart

I would like to introduce you to two of Maria and Zack's friends....S (in yellow) and J (in jean jacket). When I picked Maria up over a year ago I heard these boys' names everyday! They were her friends who had moved onto the older children's orphanage in Stara Zagora. They too were favorites, well loved by many. They too were kids who were rejected due to differbilities beyond their control. S, a sweet and quiet boy who loves those who love him. J an amazing fighter who defied the odds time and time again.
After a family step forward for Zack last fall, my focus went to helping Maria's other friends. Our friend Manuela asked if it would be possible to find them families too. Another adoptive mom and I had chatted a lot about these boys, because her daughter was in the same group with them. This amazing mom, felt that both J and S were suppose to be in their family...however, her husband was not at the point where he was ready to adopt again. We started talking with an NGO and discovered that the boys were not on the waiting child list. This started a 10 month ordeal of trying to get the boys on the list. Everything came to a head in February when a human rights activist, who was helping attempted to get some answers from the local social service agency. What started off as a horrible experience that day ended up with both files being sent complete within 24 hours. It was a major victory! But it still took several more months for the boys to be registered. S was registered this summer and J was registered in September.
The NGO who had worked so hard to get the boys registered had been told she would be allowed to request their files first. She was able to get S's file, but due to a small mistake J's file went to a different NGO. I was so upset.....since these boys were little they have always been together....they really are like brothers. My dream, wish and hope was that they would continue to be able to be brothers. I shared the boys with many people....still hoping that my friend's husband would see them as his sons. As the month went by...no one requested S's file, my friend was at the point of giving up.
One night on FB, my friend messaged me that all hope was lost on her husband. He had said no and nothing was going to change his mind. Not even 5 minutes later her husband had messaged her to look at the boys files again and said if she could explain out all the logistics to him then he would consider it. We didn't dare to hope, but prayed instead. A few days later I got the message that her husband had emailed the NGO to see the files of more children. They plan to bring home J, S and another boy!
We have been so excited that J and S are not only going to have the family they deserve, but also will be reunited with their friend who will be their sister. My friend and I talk about reuniting the Stara Zagora five and what a reunion that will be. Adopting older children can be a huge challenge for many different reasons, but it can also be rewarding. I have already seen Maria reunite with one friend....I can't imagine what it will be like for all five of these kids to come together again!

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School and Medical

Yesterday was the end of the first quarter at Maria's school. I get many questions about how she does at school. She is in a full inclusion school. She has an IEP only for her physical mobility with some adult assistance to ensure she is safely moving around the building. Maria only got around a month of ESL/ELL services last year before I pulled her from the program. Honestly, what the teacher was doing, wasn't going to help her at all. She continues to not have these services. Considering she has never taken standardized tests till last year, she has made some good progress. She grew in reading and math over the summer and continues to grow. She is in a supplemental reading group called Reading Blitz and doing well. She actually tested at the high end of it. This year has been different for me too....part of my work assignment is Maria's school. This has positives and negatives....it is great that I know what is happening with her, but it also know when something isn't happening when it should. The later actually happened the other week....it is hard when the law isn't being followed for your kid. The situation was resolved quickly, although I'm sure it won't be the last time something like this happens. Taking a step back....kids with disabilities present differently. So many times kids with physical disabilities have multiple impairments...Maria does not. Because she is as smart as she is, sometimes special teachers (such as PE) don't realize that she is being excluded. It is part of our reality and something I'm staying on top of. As for grades at the end of the first quarter Maria has 5 As and 3 Bs...all the Bs are due to bombing tests that included vocabulary terms and definitions. She is doing great! Although her little perfectionist self cries over every B and has even said "Bs are not good enough for me."

Yesterday we also went to see the Spina Bifida specialist. This was our yearly visit....Maria has gained 2 inches in a year and her weight is stable. We had a great visit and did a lot of talking about where Maria is and her SB. The doctor was thrilled with how Maria is doing and said we don't have to visit for 2 years. This was great news! At that point Maria will be almost 15, and we will be thinking about transitioning toward adulthood and more independence....WOW, I'm not ready for that, but I know it will come sooner than I am ready for. She continues to amaze me and her doctors....I can't wait to see what the next two years bring for her.

 

 

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Happenings

Ever have exciting news that you just want to scream and celebrate about...but have to wait? I do and I cannot wait to share!

Otherwise, we are waiting for the track clinic in Chicago next month....I think a few other adoptive families are planning to meet up with us too. Super excited about Maria getting this opportunity.

Maria is making good grades...right now we are getting close to the end of the first quarter and she is getting mostly A's and a B....although that could change a little. Can't say she is a fan of homework, but she does try hard.

Maria continues to improve all the time with her English, although she is quick to point out how much English words do not make sense.

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Weekend

I think it must get asked 50 questions a day by Maria. There are moments I manage the questions better than others. Today we had a fun outing with my mom....going to pick out a new kitten for my parents. While we were waiting on my mom, Maria asked me "Why do people only want babies and little kids and kittens?" I started with explaining to Maria how animals do better of adjusting to new environments when they are younger and can fit in better with the animals already there. I then explained to her in some ways it is the same with younger kids. I also told her that not all moms and dads who are adopting are ready for older kid problems. I explained that some kids who come home have problems like smoking, drinking and fighting....and not all parents know how to deal with those things. She seemed to understand and proceeded with the excitement of a new furry friend.....or as it ended up friends....2 kittens, a brother and sister are making their new home with my parents. Maria was thrilled to have one of the kittens sleeping on her lap on the way home. And she is asking every few hours to go and visit the kittens.

Also, this weekend was the Walk n Roll for Spina Bifida. The people with SB had blue star balloons on their chairs, bikes and other things to show who we were doing this for. Great time seeing so many friends. I think the best thing was seeing Maria come even more out of her shell! She was racing ahead of me to talk to people. I had to catch up with her on more than one occasion! I even had one of the older college age kiddos tell me that Maria had a whole conversation with her on her own....this is huge! Maria really looks up to this girl and would never talk to her unless I really prompted her and this weekend she had a conversation without prompts at all. The girl had to ask me what happened, she was so shocked too. Also making plans with our adaptive sports leader for the NJDC this coming summer....he thinks Maria can qualify for wheelchair racing if we start doing some training now and she would be his only althelete in this age group and classification for racing. We are excited and hoping the track clinic next month will teach us both a lot of what we need to know....now just to get that racing chair......anyone want to give me $3200 for a new racing chair? I didn't think so :)

 

 

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Spina Bifida Awareness Month

Yesterday marked the beginning of Spina Bifida awareness month! So, in honor of all the amazing people I know who live with SB...here are some facts for you.

About 8 babies in the US are born with SB each day. I have also read 1 out of 2800 births.

SB happens in the first month of pregnancy. Most often it is connected with the folic acid level in the mom.

There are 4 different types of SB. The most severe kind is Myelomeningocele (which is the kind Maria has). It most often affects the spinal cord and nerves. Kiddos with this form of SB are usually operated on within a few days of birth

Neurogenic bladder and bowel are very common with more severe kinds of SB. This means that the individual usually does not have control over their badder and/or bowels.

90% of babies born with SB live full lives into adulthood. 80% have normal intelligence. 75% play sports or engage in other activities.

Still knowing these things, it isn't the same as living with a child with SB. We face challenges and we have amazing moments. We have to think outside the box often to figure out how to do certain things. We celebrate the small success and the big ones. We have a great support system of other families with children who have SB. They understand in a way that no one else does.

So, what has my amazing girl, who happens to have SB, been up to....well, she has been home just over 15 months. She continues to be bilingual. She got all A's and 1 B+ on her first quarter grades. She had growth over the summer in the area of reading when most kids regress. She is almost a teenager....and acts like it at times. She likes her friends and is always wanting to go to school dances. She has had fun this week with homecoming and is looking forward to the Walk n Roll for SB on Saturday. We are also preparing for a track clinic in the Chicago area next month. Maria is FINALLY going to get to try a racing chair. If she likes it and is good, we will start a training program and try competing at regional meets to see if she can qualify for the Nationals which are in our state this year.

Superhero Day

Duct Tape Day

 

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Update

After posting yesterday I went and got Maria from school. We chatted about her day, what she learned, her homework, etc (yes, this is part of our normal routine....I think I know more about what happens at school than some of the teachers). Then I told her I had some news that wasn't going to make her happy. I slowly told her about Zack's family visiting him and about how he has a new friend and doesn't want to be adopted. She immediately began to cry and ask "why". I calmed her down and explained that Zack doesn't want to leave his new friend, that it would be hard for him and that I'm sure she could understand why he feels that way. I also explained that a lot of very concerned mommas were trying to work out a plan to allow her to talk to him...either on Skype or by phone. She was very worried that he had forgotten her (totally normal). I asked her if she was mad and Maria shared she was sad and mad at Zack. Later at home I did some messaging to some of the people involved and let them know that Maria was very upset about Zack's choice. I was told that Zack does remember Maria. I let them know that if they wanted us to call we would do so around 6am our time (2pm Bulgarian time). First thing this morning I checked and had a phone to call...they were waiting for us to call. After locating my international phone cards we made the call. Talking via speaker phone isn't the easiest...but for the first time in almost 15 months we heard Zack's voice. Zack's first words were "Maria how are you? I'm sorry. I'm coming to America." The phone call was short, but gave Maria the biggest smile. She and I are both thrilled that Zack will be adopted and coming to the US. Thankfully his soon to be adoptive family still wants him and realizes there will be some challenges, but they are willing to face those challenges with him.

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Please Pray

Right now a special family is over in Bulgaria. Almost a year ago they committed to adopting Zack...Maria's best friend from the orphanage. This week they have had a nice visit with him, but today he told them he didn't want to be adopted and leave his new friend behind.....I'm heart broken over this. I understand how hard it was for both Maria and Zack to leave each other. I saw both their tears, the anguish, the hugs that didn't want to let go. It was such a hard day for us, I know it must have been worse for Zack. Now, he has the chance for a family, a new life, more medical care and he is standing by a new friend. The family has said they will come back and adopt the friend too, but he is being a little stubborn and saying he does not want to leave without his friend.
We are all scrambling....I have already Skyped with one of our Bulgarian friends and she plans to make some calls tomorrow morning. It is possible we might be Skyping or calling Zack tomorrow so Maria can talk to him. So much is up in the air and on top of it I'm sick. So, please pray for Zack and his family. Please pray for Zack and the family who wants to call him their son.

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